stuff in the yard...

my beliefs (or lack thereof)...

a recent conversation on facebook got me thinking about my beliefs.  

i call myself an atheist, but really, i'm ignostic.  that's not a misspelling.  

here's a list of what i don't believe in:

• god/ satan
• heaven/ hell
• ghosts
• spirits
• fate
• psychics
• magic
• an afterlife
• saints
• serendipity

you get the picture.  so what do i actually believe?

i believe in flesh & bone, brain and heart.  i think humans are complex and flawed.  people can be petty & mean, usually out of fear.  people can also be amazing and generous.  we're all some combination of all these things.  

we're formed by genetics and heredity, as well as the way we're raised.  we're also formed by abuse & hurts we've suffered.  what makes us who we are now is how we handle the past, and the decisions we make in the present.

i believe we are born, we live, and then we die.  when we die, that's it.  all done.  so make things count while you're here.

i believe in respecting the beliefs of others.  i try to be respectful of everyone's religious and political beliefs.  i no longer want to engage in heated debates like i did when i was younger.  i have my beliefs, but i challenge them every day.  i change my mind.  i listen to others opinions and take it in.  i hope others can do the same.

in the end, i try to be kind.  that's most important to me.  then i hope i can be strong, funny, inquisitive, and open.  some days i'm a jerk.  other times i'm awesome.  and everything in between.

so, there ya have it!

pain meds & artwork...

interesting weirdness in the suburbs

happy to be home...

the surgery went well.  it was "the easy" version, no incision in my belly.  i feel ok.  i didn't like being in the hospital overnight.  i missed dan & the dogs.  but it was only 1 night.

i've had so many friends, people on facebook, etc... offer to help out.  i feel like a very lucky girl.

and my surgeon is great.  she's hilarious.  and she emailed me pics of my uterus, on request.  i won't post those pics, don't want to freak anyone out.

when i'm all healed up (around 3 weeks) i'm going to have a blast.  this fall will be amazing.

here are photos from the hospital...

looking cute before i'm sliced & diced 

trying to order a pizza while i wait for surgery 

the IV, my least favorite part 

 post op bed head

my fancy blue toenails, to impress the surgeon 

i drank 4 cups of coffee the morning after surgery!

me & my uterus, a conversation...

uterus:  so, um, i thought you were going to let me "guest blog"?  what the fuck happened to that?  you promised!!!

me:  i changed my mind.  you suck, and you cause nothing but grief.  

uterus:  but i'm cute.  look at that drawing you made of me.  and i keep life interesting.  i don't know why you're so hateful towards me.

me:  i never really needed you or your lining.  i never wanted kids.  i hate having a period.  so, bye-bye dumbass!!!

uterus:  i wonder if you recall what the specialist said?  that your uterus was "perfect" and it was just that silly little tumor causing problems?

me:  i recall.  and yet, i don't care.  you're being evicted this friday.  deal with it.  also, this is MY BLOG!!!

the end.

a day of fun with my girls...

i've been pretty preoccupied with my upcoming surgery, getting the house cleaned, etc... so yesterday was a total treat.  i went to norwalk OH to have a "girl's day" with my work friends.

when i say "girl's day", i mean we did it in our own way.  we ate lunch at a greasy spoon diner, checked out kim's new/old theatre (no keys yet, so we just peaked in through the windows, and then we got pedicures.

i met kim's 3 cats.  i love meeting new cats & dogs and taking their pics.  i know, shocking!

and we laughed and said dirty inappropriate things, talked about our husbands (3 girls who seriously love being married), then laughed and talked some more.

this was my first little road trip in the new car.  wow, i'm more in love with that car now then ever.  the GPS is so easy to use, the satellite radio is a blast (i went between old school country and indie rock), the heated seat for my hurting back, and i got to drive 75 on the turnpike.  weeeeee!!!!

hospitals...

I'm here at the very hospital where I was born, preparing to have my uterus removed.  There's something strange & poetic about that.

Today it's pre-surgery tests.  BP, bloodwork, an EKG, all to make sure I'm ok to have surgery.

This is the hospital where, back in 1978, my grandpap recovered from a massive stroke.  It's where my dad recovered from a broken leg, a broken back.  (He went to the Cleveland Clinic for his triple bypass.)

Hospitals are strange places.  People are generally not here for good reasons (except child birth.)  There is much waiting, paperwork, more waiting.

I spent much of my life for about 2 years in hospitals.  I learned how to make my grandpap laugh, where to find vending machines, and how to have fun jumping in elevators.

I once stole a roll of gauze to turn my Barbie doll into a mummy.

But it wasn't fun for the most part.  I'd bring my homework & we'd spend evenings at my dad or grandpap's bedside.  It's where I learned that having a black sense of humor would save me.

the gift shops have changed.  besides the balloon they now sell purses and jewelry, sparkly things, distracting things.  there are fancy coffee stands, better cafeteria food, TVs with cable, etc...

but it's still a hospital.  the place we go to be born, to be repaired, and to to die.  some people have called me morbid for saying such things.  but it's just the truth, and inevitable.  we're born, we live, and we die.  and from time to time, we find ourselves in hospitals.

when i find myself in a hospital, for whatever reason, i find myself thinking, "oh... i better appreciate the good things in life.  i better stop fucking around, wasting precious time.  i better enjoy every sandwich."

the same old, same old...