everytime i go the giant eagle by our house, i come home traumatized with stories about the various bizarre young men running the checkouts. i don't know where they find these guys, but they are all young (late teens to early 20's), talkative (they make me look like a mute) and disturbing as hell.
the check out boys:
fast talking video geek
nervous, inappropriate joker
angry thin gay guy
sample conversations (always out of the clear blue!)
dj brandon: "hey, do ya like music? i'm a dj, here's my business card! i'm playing at a booth at the fairport city fair, wanna come by? what? you don't like fairs or loud music? you don't dance or like crowds? aw, come on!!!!"
fast talking video geek: actually, i couldn't reproduce his diatribe if i wanted to. he really must be on crystal meth (or blak coke, preferred beverage of howler monkeys.) all i remember is him asking me if i played "halo" (of course i don't!) and then for the next 10 minutes telling me how he develops strategies for winning online multi-player games, why robert downey jr. will be good in some movie about some comic book, and how myspace is a good for picking up whorish type girls. i had to come home and lay down after this one.
the other 2 you can easily guess how those conversations went. besides, i need to get to tonight's episode, entitled......
"karma shopping- with coupons!"
i worked late and had to go to the grocery. i was not up for any of the nonsense mentioned above. so i make sure and choose a line without an insane young guy. i spot an old gal with a peach-tinted bouffant and get in her line. i unload my groceries, and notice the lady in front of me. she's thin and nervous, in a faded jogging suit. her groceries are already bagged, and she's clutching the receipt. and i suddenly realize............this is not going to be good.
the bouffant-lady cashier looks at her, confused, and asks how she can help her. she takes a deep breathe and says, "um...i need you to look at my receipt.....um..... i bought 5 dannon yogurts. the kind in the small containers that are 5 for $2. i also bought a large container of dannon yogurt, and my receipt shows that i was undercharged 80 cents for that. and then, um....i had a coupon for 60 cents that didn't get applied to my total......so i want to fix that."
bouffant says, "well honey, that's sweet of you to let us know you got undercharged, but it's ok. it happens and you can go ahead and head on home."
crazy replies, "no, i need to pay the difference! i owe you 20 cents!"
bouffant looks puzzled and asks, "why?"
crazy lady says, "it's bad karma!"
bouffant tells her she can't do anything about it and suggests she go to the service counter. i step up and she gives me a look, winking and rolling her eyes and saying something like, "we get some real crazies!" and we watch the lady stand at the service desk, explaining her "karma problem" over the next 10 minutes.
it was funny and shocking and odd, but also annoying. this lady wasted a good 5 minutes of my time, the cashiers time, and another 10 minutes of the service desk managers time, all to make sure her karma was in order. how is that good karma?
either way, i need to find a new grocery store.