October 28, 2008

i'm anti-children, wishes, dreams & miracles

i'm home today, cooking & cleaning up a storm before having groundcat's family over for dinner. i love this kind of stuff and my secret dream is to be a 1950's housewife. except i'm not in a dress and pearls, and instead wearing old man pajamas (with awesome bed head.)

i was expecting an important business call at 10:30am. the phone rang at 10:25 am & i jumped to answer it. it turned out to be the strangest telemarketer call ever.

me: hello

him: hello there. may i please speak to dan or mrs. hearn?

me: that would be me!

him: i'm calling from the children's wish miracle foundation (or something like that)

me: oh gosh, we're not interested, but thanks for calling

him: what aren't you interested in? (raised voice) you only know our name! what exactly aren't you interested in???

me: um.... wow.... well.....you're..... interesting...

him: well, i'm just curious to know what you're not interested in!!! (raised voice now includes sarcastic tone)

me: um.....ok...... well...i'm not interested in donating money over the phone. we donate to other groups already.

him: but you don't even know anything about our group!!!!

me: wow..... well... i guess i'll have to say that i'm not interested in children. i'm not interested in miracles or wishes either. and i'm not trying to be rude, but i'm expecting a really important business call in 1 minute.

him: well, good luck with your important business call!!! click.

it was just so bizarre. he was so confrontational, sarcastic and emotional, like he was taking it personal. and i tried to be so nice about it! i think i need to go back to screening all my calls... but i was cracking up afterwards over telling someone i wasn't interested in hope & dreams.... he he he.....

in other news- john mccain & sarah palin are going to be at mentor high school on thursday. that's in walking distance of our house!!! i wonder if they'll want to come pose in front of our barn? i'll be home that day. i'm gonna have to paint over the bicenntenial logo and replace it with an "obama in 08" mural!!! or maybe this sign.....


Anonymous said...

That telemarketer call transcription made me laugh out loud! Too funny. You don't believe in hopes or wishes or children or dreams... LMAO!!

Mojito Libre said...

I'm going to buy you a Dream Box for your wedding. Just a box. Filled with letters of hope, dreams, miracles, ribbons, confetti and macaroni pictures.

But, I can just imagine the scenario that will play out.

It will be Sunday morning and Groundcat and Glittergirl will be driving back home from the party. Groundcat looking disheveled and angry that he finished all the scotch in the hotel mini-bar. Glittergirl looking all bed-heady and surly from a night of dancing and kicking puppies. And there, on the side of the Shoreway, will be my Box of Dreams scattered in the wind as Groundcat's new Subaru sputters off into the distance with AC/DC blaring Highway to Hell while Glittergirl laughs maniacally.


ok mojito, that made my day!

Chris said...

if I may add my two directorial cents to mojito's vision..

*fade to black*

*the sad walking away music from the end of The Incredible Hulk shows plays*

Mojito walks forlornly along the highway, his backpack slung over his shoulder.

*zoom in on the backpack*

through a small opening in the backpack you can see other Dream Boxes, many different sizes and colors, all with different names on them.

Mojito turns to face the camera *zoom in on a single tear running down his face (may need special effects on this one to get the morning sunrise reflected in the droplet properly*

Mojito takes a deep breath, wipes the tear from his cheek and gives a smile to the camera

Mojito raises his arm, thumb out, to flag down a ride.

*crossfade between The Incredible Hulk music and Highway to Hell*

Mojito squints against the sunrise.

Groundcat's new Subaru comes flashing past, hitting a puddle, splashing up onto Mojito.

Glittergirl can be heard cackling, as she tosses a half-empty starbucks cup which bounces off of Mojito's head.

Mojito, brushing off the water/coffee mix, looks up to see who it was

Glittergirl, arm raised out the window, gives Mojito the finger, before slamming on the gas pedal, speeding off into the distance.

*fade to black, music fades, Glittergirl's cackle remains*

Groundcat said...

Oscar winning performance!

that Hulk song always made me tearup inside. along with the theme to Grizzly Adams.


chris- i read this on my blackberry while waiting to pick up chinese food, and laughed so hard! i want to see this as a movie!!!

we're all gonna have to quit our jobs to get this film made.

Mojito Libre said...

Filming commences next Wednesday...

Chris said...

I'll be there. do I get to have one of those cone megaphones to yell through? Also I'd like to ride on a boom crane. not necessarily while filming, just so I can ride on one.

Mojito Libre said...

Chris, you'll also need an old newsie hat and the riding pants tucked into a pair of tall boots.

You may want to add a bomber jacket and a silk scarf.

I'm ready for my closeup Mr. DeMuiii.....
/passes out from getting hit in the head with a coffee cup.

Chris said...



I swear...the "talent" that I have to work with in this town!

Mojito Libre said...

It's all Glittergirl's fault! If she'd just stick to kicking puppies, we wouldn't even be in this mess.

/I'm not even supposed to BE here today!

Chris said...

You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here. You're here of your own volition. You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulder. Like this place would fall apart if Mojito wasn't here. Jesus, you overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job. You push fucking buttons. Anybody can waltz in here and do our jobs. You-You're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic, so much more important than it really is. Christ, you work in a QA department, Mojito! And badly, I might add! I work in a shitty mortgage company, badly as well. You know, that guy Jay's got it right, man. He has no delusions about what he does. Us, we like to make ourselves seem so much more important than the people that come in here to buy a paper, or, god forbid, cigarettes. We look down on them as if we're so advanced. Well, if we're so fucking advanced, what are we doing working here?

/I just watched A Threevening with Kevin Smith. HILARIOUS stuff. except when the second disc crapped out in the middle of the anal fissures story. I was very disappointed.
//I need to buy a copy of clerks someday

Mojito Libre said...

/cage goes in the salsa
//you go in the cage
///shark's in the salsa
////our shark

Mojito Libre said...

And the very, very sad thing is that my Dream Box didn't even make it to the Shoreway....