disturbing work conversations

ok, here's how it all started: a work friend said she liked my shirt, then proceeded to feel my sleeve, to see if it was "as soft as it looked." apparently is was, because she giggled and said i felt "charmin soft!"

here's where it all goes terribly wrong: she asks us if we've tried the new "more hefty" charmin. um....no. so she then makes me go online to look it up and i am presented with this:
how does one decide??? we start reading the descriptions and apparently charmin ultra strong "helps the clean stay with you!" huh? the ultra soft version lets you use less, "but it will feel so good, you'll want to use more!" HUH????

then there's a whole other variety. i start reading them off (there's charmin basic, charmin with lotion, charmin cinnamon raisin, HUH???)

ok, i made up that last one. it got a big laugh too. because by this time, there were at least 10 people crowded around my desk, joining in on the conversation.

we then start reading the FAQs, and find out this exciting info:

Q. The plies on my Charmin Ultra are not lined up, it’s not tearing in the right place.
A. If the plies on your Charmin Ultra rolls aren't lining up, here's how to fix it:
- Hold the roll in front of you with the paper winding over the top
- Pull the top ply up and drop it back behind the roll
- Its perforations should match with the layer that's now on top
- Tear away the excess and you're good to go

i stopped listening when the discussion turned to septic tanks. i supposedly have a septic tank in my very own basement, but i prefer to pretend it's not there.

so now, instead of doing any actual work, i am on wikipedia, reading about the history of toliet paper.