this guy is some dumg british rock star (pete doherty.) the one who dated kate moss. who cares? but i keep seeing these idiotic pics of him on the news, and i get so annoyed. stop acting like a jackass!
sticklady: yo!
since zank moved in, i haven't been "crabbish" (rachel word) at all! we just have so much fun and it's a nice vibe. last night jennette and mike came down to play "guitar hero" and it was a blast. mike's been updating his blog (see crazy mike blog link under my peeps and homies) so go check it out!!!
i wish i could get this little video to play. this kid is flippin' out, hardcore!
you can blame rachel for the monkey pics on this blog. she sent me this pic yesterday and it's so lovely i almost cried. i want a baby hippo!!! and NO, hank doesn't count!
this is a drawing i made many years ago, titled "coffee ice cream". i believe the name is in reference to lisa ann & i staying up til 3am, hopped up on coffee ice cream, drawing all kinds of crazy shit with our fancy new set of markers. ah...caffeine and sugar!
today's post is to announce that i am FINE. i am no longer stressed out or having anxiety attacks. i am sad matt has moved away, but looking forward to insane zak moving in. i am still working 10 hour days (and saturdays) but am getting through things. i am getting over a terrible head cold, but still managed to spring clean on the weekend.
i decided since i've posted before when i am miserable and freaked out, that i should post when i'm doing good. so i am here to say i am doing pretty damn well (considering). and i'm not even on any kind of "happy pills"! so there!
tomorrow's my mom's birthday. everyone wish her a happy 80th!!!! (he he he...)
the boy i've been hanging out with is moving to vegas. it's a great job opportunity so i am very happy for him, but sad for me. although i'm sure he'll still be around the blog, posting his pro-german nonsense... gosh, pro-german, pro-robot and anti-cleveland... and he insults my mom's cooking! but i shall miss this horrible creature....to quote a bob dylan song, "you're gonna make me lonesome when you go...."
i called in sick today. even though i had a lovely relaxing evening and a decent amount of sleeplast night, i woke up with chest pains, my heart racing and trouble breathing. call evilboss man and let a weepy message saying i was going to the doctor. i know he's going to be pissed and most certainly isn't going to understand what the fuck an anxiety attack even is, but i have hit the wall.
i've been doing these 50-60 hour weeks since september, and i had no idea it would be continuing for this long with so few breaks. the last month did me in. we had a few fridays when we were there til 10-11pm at night. 15 hour days, and still required to come in saturday. i started to wake up feeling so exhausted, like i was floating. i started having trouble speaking (i was stuttered) and did things like pay the parking garage $20 and drive off without change.
then we had 2 weeks of "lockdown". it was only supposed to be 1 week. they locked up everyone in a large conference room for 10 hour days, and it was intense. bosses watching every move, and people from the business side questioning everything. at the end of the week, after we worked so hard, the boss said our results were disappointing and order the next week on lockdown.
week 2 was worse. a smaller, warm room with no phone. everyone was miserable and the tension was so high. i cried on the way home every night. i started having trouble eating and worse insomnia then usual. at the end of the week i BEGGED for some time off, but was refused. i was told no one can take time off til may.
i have plodded through these 10 hour days, six days a week. i have loved the job, the people and being downtown. and i was proud of getting through the long hours! i guess i hadn't planned on the 60 hours weeks to continue after christman break. no one did. everyone is beyond burned out and exhausted.
the other day my boss said, "well, you're single, no kids, it should be easier!" and it would, if i didn't have 4 cats and 2 dogs. my boss comes home from a 10 hour day and his wife makes dinner and the laundry is done. i come home and spend 1-2 hours on pets (litterboxes food water and play) and my own chores.
i am going to the doctor and i know she'll write a note saying i need a few days off. she was concerned about my health when i ended up with pneumonia back in december. i am hoping a little rest will help. and then i'll need to sit down with my boss and explain that i physically can't continue on the hours. i've tried my best. i hope he can let me cut back a little. if not, then i will suggest they hire someone to replace me, and i'll stay around long enough to train them on my job duties while i look for new work.
because this is where i am at:
my friend chris (who understands anxiety) has reminded me that this is just a job, and that no one could keep up with these hours without cracking. i might get written up for missing work, and my crazy boss that i like so much may be upset with me, but i have tried my best and have nothing left to give.
ah......that rant felt good.... time for some ramen noodle soup (the only thing i can eat lately) and then the doctor.
we were here at work talking about dolls we had growing up. i mentioned having a doll that you fed and it pooped and peed (how fun is that NOT?) someone said, "oh, that's baby alive! i had one too!" so i've been online for the last hour obsessively researching this nightmare doll. i could only find this tiny pic and not much info. i found a website for kenner doll history (kenner is the company who made baby alive.) the website only had lists of toys they had made, and no pics. but check out this list of dolls!
Baby Alive (as opposed to Baby Undead)
Baby All Gone (uh oh....baby's "gone"?)
Baby Bundles (baby's rich!)
Baby Check-Up (is there a thermometer involved?)
Baby Color & Shampoo (um...is it really ok to dye a baby's hair?)
Baby Heartbeat (another morbid medical procedure)
Baby Needs Me (baby's too needy!)
Baby Wet & Care (my sis had this one. you gave it a bottle and it got a diaper rash, no joke)
Baby Won't Let Go (baby's WAY too needy!!!)
Baby Yawnie (baby is bored with you already...)
now i swear i did not make that list up. i literally cut and pasted it from the website.
they also made something called a daddy saddle..... http://www.kennertoys.com/other/daddy_saddle.pdf
and the worst doll ever? the joey stivic doll. yes david, it did exist! remember we saw that doll at big fun in coventry?
that is not an old bar hag from 185th street. nope, it's eddie van halen on the way in to attend elton john's oscar bash. dude, there's this new invention called "hair conditioner". look into it!
ok, this was the dumbest thing i've ever seen on the oscar's. some hip hop group performing a song about a pimp from "hustle and flow", with choreographed dancers on stage acting out the pimps and ho's. it was cheesier then the dance moves in "west side story" and the song sucked. the song went on to win the damn oscar for best song from a film. i can only chalk this up to white liberal guilt. "well, we gotta give awards to the gay films, so let's toss the black film a bone and give them the best song statue!"
i'm not a huge hip hop fan, but i know there's excellant hip hop out there. this was not good hip hop! it was mediocore at best. i think the award was a token. dolly parton was robbed!!!
i guess the oscar voting is always political in nature. "brokeback mountain" had so much positive buzz, then the jokes started. so they give the director an academy (he wasn't on screen smooching a boy). they give the acting award to phillip seymour hoffman because while he played a gay man, he was almost asexual and certainly not in any sexy make out scenes with other men. ok, so each "gay film" gets an award, but the film of the year is dirty, gritty and considered more "real". "crash" started out with mixed reviews, but once the ballots were sent to voters, brokeback was too much of a punchline to win film of the year.
so in conclusion, it's all a bunch of huck-a-buck, but i'll watch again next year.
they announced the award for best makeup in a film, totally deadpan. it was the funniest thing on the oscars i've ever seen! the coolest part of when robert altman got the lifetime achievement award. he's one of our great directors and very under appreciated. check out "short cuts" or "the player" sometime. i boss you to do it!
in other news, goth night was fun, but i forgot i don't like bars or dance clubs. whoops! but once i found a little perch in the corner, i had a great time hanging with matt and people watching. if i had time i'd love to do a little goth photo shoot. i'll wear a cape and look sad in a cemetary! maybe carry some dead flowers. bela lugosi's dead......
as far as the potluck goes, i say we wait for evil zak to move in. the boy knows how to cook and maybe we can boss him into making homemade pierogis. plus my work schedule is back to 60 hour weeks til may. so let's make it a springtime potluck!
but feel free to continue arguing about the menu and inclusion of sauerkraut!
good news: i am getting a roomate this spring! crazy mean old zak is going to be my roomie and help out with the pets. it will be good for both of us. he gets to pay really cheap rent, i get help with pets. and we'll have a blast! he'll team up with his asshole partner hank to drive me crazy. i'll try and boss him around and he'll ignore me. we'll listen to bag pipe music real loud and cook pasta. maleguena!!!!!!
as far as work goes, i am told i can't take any time off until july. and that the hours are "revving back up." too bad they never "revved" down! i guess the last 2 weeks working only 50 hours was supposed to be a vacation. i've been having anxiety attacks recently, just trying to get through the hours and the super high stress environment. the pressure is enormous. we've had VPs flying in from the UK to give up "pep" talks recently. by pep talk i mean "holy shit get it done NOW and get it right" talks.
i swear to god, bonnie tyler was on my bus this morning! the hair, the eyeliner, it had to be her!!!
ok, we need to reschedule the "blog party" potluck, and i am looking for victims, i mean volunteers to help me paint my back bedroom. mag's will tell you i am a little sloppy with the edging. just a tiny bit!
remember molly shannon did a character on SNL called "the simmer down now" lady? and she's say "simma dow now!" a million different ways. or was that cheri o'teri?
anyways, the comments on the last post about the pets got a little heated, so i closed the comment section. something i've never done, even when things got rough on the cabbage roll debate!
everyone means well, and i think everyone can understand my dilema. i love these animals so much! i just know they deserve more then i can give, and that i made a mistake when i decided to take in so many. so maybe i'll come up with a way to make things better for them and for me. a roomate possibly, or a better home.....we'll see...
i love these god damned furry beasts and i'll figure something out! so simmer down!!!
