dogs in the snow!!!

still learning...

i snapped this pic of myself out in the backyard.  it was snowing and the dogs were running around making us laugh.  i was taking tons of pics of them.  on the spur of the moment i snapped a pic of myself.  i captured a genuine look of happiness on my face.  which is hard to do.  hard not to automatically pose before a photo is snapped.

we came inside and looked at the dog photos.  i saw this pic of my face and liked it.  which is rare.  i noticed the wrinkles around my eyes and freckles and rosacea on my cheeks.  i thought how much better the pic would be if i'd been wearing makeup.  

i started to edit the photo.  i took away the red cheeks and made my eyes look bluer.  i played around with the different photo editing filters.  then i stopped.

i just decided that i sort of like my face.  i think the crow's feet are sort of cute.  i like being 42, and i'm cool with how i look, my flaws, etc...

so, let me blabber about 2012, and then jabber about plans for 2013!

2012 blabber:

in 2012 i joined the gym, learned to love exercise, and lost 25 pounds.

i learned to love vegetables (roasted), tofu, avocado, kombucha tea, and even sardines.  i learned to use less cheese, eat less meat, and to like sushi.

in 2012 we got charlie and it's been amazing watching him & gilly become best buddies.

in 2012 i lost a job i loved and then found a job i love.

in 2012 i saw a bunch of doctor's and specialists.  found out i have arthritis in my hands and back, carpal tunnel in my right hand, and a pesky little tumor in my uterus.  so in august i got rid of the tumor and my uterus, and while recovery has been long, it's a good thing.  no more horrible monthly badness. now i can swim every damn day if i want!

back to exercise:  i went to the gym 140 times in 1 year.  i learned to love deep water running.  and just yesterday i found a blog devoted to the topic!  when i started running in the pool, i didn't even know what to call it.  "crazy dog paddle" or "deep end water treading"?  a friend from high school (on facebook) saw some posts where i talked about my new exercise and she explained that it's something real with a name.  

so i watched some videos and kept trying new ways to run in the pool.  i learned about interval training and came up with a 15 minute routine (yoga stretches for my back pain, then kick board, back stroke and water running at different intensities.)  

i also forced myself out of the pool to try yoga (boring), pilates (more boring), boot camp (super hard but fun) and spinning (really really hard and really fun.)

my medical problems made working out over the last few months of 2012 difficult.  i had to take things slow after surgery.  i'm still not back to working out as much as i want, but yeah, trying to be patient.

it's amazing to me that i learned to love exercise.  i really didn't think it was possible.

2013 jabber:

i want to continue learning to live in the moment.  to keep taking risks and trying new things.  i want to learn to be a better listener.  i want to be more kind, more giving.  i want to continue to get out of my comfort zone.

exercise:  i want to try another boot camp, learn to lift weights, and start hiking with dan.  also more walking the dogs.

i want to try to eat  more lean protein, tons of fresh fruit and vegetables, less cheese.  i'd like to stop chewing cough drops (such a weird habit!)  i'd like to get back to eating less pasta, potatoes & breads.  just tweaks and improvements to the good progress i made in 2013.

and really, just more good times with my husband, friends, and family.  more laughing, more playing with the dogs, more of the good stuff!

and when things aren't all good & fun, i want to keep working on CBT tools to deal with anxiety and depression.  just keep on keepin' on.

corgis!!!!!!

137

I joined the gym a year ago today. It was the single most best thing I've ever done to improve my life.

I wanted to lose 50 pounds, but only lost 25. Only 25? That's something to be proud of!

Health problems plagued me this year. Stupid tumor in my dumb uterus. Then surgery to yank it all out.

Recovery from surgery has been tough. I'm having pain & swelling. I still can't wear jeans without hurting.

I was starting to give up. But that would be the single most worse decision of my life.

So it's onward & upward! 2013 is going to be good. I'm determined to go to spinning class as soon as the swelling stops. And I want to build muscle, learn to lift weights, and go on hikes with my husband & the dogs.

a favorite song with a god awful video...

i've always loved this old dire straits song, but i've never seen the video before. it's a terrible, dated, horrible video. which i kind of love.

 

catching up on stuff...

i've been meaning to blog for days now.  i wanted to talk about this painting (above).  and i wanted to talk about work (which is so good.)

but i need to pay some bills, clean up the house, and brush charlie.  he's about to explode with fur.  his whole undercoat is coming out.  

and i need coffee.

here's a pretty pic of my bad morning face.  enjoy!

merry happy holidays!!!

the gift of insomnia...

i've blogged (and complained) a lot about my lifelong struggle with insomnia.  and then my almost decade long use of ambien.  i finally stopped taking ambien in 2011.  i got a tempurpedic mattress.  and i stopped worrying so much about not sleeping.

a bad night's sleep won't kill me.  sooner or later i'll fall asleep.  so no sense in letting it run my life.

then i joined the gym.  i found that i loved swimming & deep water jogging.  exercising helped me sleep a little better.  

i rented a locker at the gym and stocked it with all my shower stuff, make-up etc... i started going to swim before work, around 6 or 7am most mornings.

i had a few rough nights of sleep, and kept waking up around 3 or 4am, and i'd try to force myself back to sleep.  it rarely worked, and if i did fall back asleep i'd wake up feeling crappy.

so i tried something new.  the next time i woke up at 3am, i just got out of bed.  i did the dishes, hung out with the dogs, and got to the gym when they opened at 5am.  i got 45 minutes of swimming and still had time to get breakfast before work.

and that changed my life.

i sleep better some nights.  and if i wake up at 3am, there's so much to do!  i get the iPad out and draw or read books.  i hang out with the dogs.  i catch up on chores.  i discover new movies.  TCM playes some really strange movies at 4am.

yesterday morning i stumbled onto a film that took my breathe away:

insomnia is a gift.

when coworkers become friends...

i had a great time catching up with some friends from the last job.  we had great food, drinks, and conversation.  we caught up on life (baby on the way, new jobs, theaters  job searches, our dogs & cats & kids.)  

we also talked about the old job.  a few of these gals are still there.  it was strange, negotiating everyone's feelings about that place.  everyone has their own take on what happened, what went wrong, etc...

in the end, i think that we were such a passionate group of people.  we were excited about the work, the company, and each other.  so when it all fell apart (and it fell apart fast), everyone was left to figure out how to move on.

i think there's a mix of sadness, anger, and overall sadness at how it ended.  i try to focus on how that job taught me to "go big, take risks, be passionate about your work".  and my god, i made some amazing friendships at that job.

nothing lasts forever, especially high flying, risk taking companies.  for me, it was an experience of a lifetime, and i wouldn't trade it for anything.

and now i have a new job, at a great company, with coworkers who i'm enjoying getting to know.  life goes on... and i guess the point is, enjoy the good stuff, take your knocks and keep going!

"be a football to time and chance.  the more kicks, the better."  r.w. emerson