I don't know why I am so obsessed with Cassavetes and these films. Everyone drinks and smokes, men slap women around, husbands cheat. I wouldn't want to live in this world. But I love the freedom of it all. The creativity. Trying to do something wild and amazing. I don't watch these films and think they are realistic or lifelike. I watch these films for the shocking improvisations, the uncomfortable & strange moments. The tension the actors and the dialog creates. I watch these films in s different way than I do other directors I love (P.T. Anderson, Wes Anderson, old Scorsese films.) I watch a Cassavetes film for him. And for Gene Rowlands, Peter Falk, Ben Gazzara, to see them do wild things. Someone said that John Cassavetes films were like his life. He thrived on chaos and abandoning ego. He also died of cirrhosis of the liver in 1989 at the age of 59 and drank all the way up until he died. So maybe part of me finds these films thrilling, knowing how they were made and knowing the people who made them.