still learning...

i snapped this pic of myself out in the backyard.  it was snowing and the dogs were running around making us laugh.  i was taking tons of pics of them.  on the spur of the moment i snapped a pic of myself.  i captured a genuine look of happiness on my face.  which is hard to do.  hard not to automatically pose before a photo is snapped.

we came inside and looked at the dog photos.  i saw this pic of my face and liked it.  which is rare.  i noticed the wrinkles around my eyes and freckles and rosacea on my cheeks.  i thought how much better the pic would be if i'd been wearing makeup.  

i started to edit the photo.  i took away the red cheeks and made my eyes look bluer.  i played around with the different photo editing filters.  then i stopped.

i just decided that i sort of like my face.  i think the crow's feet are sort of cute.  i like being 42, and i'm cool with how i look, my flaws, etc...

so, let me blabber about 2012, and then jabber about plans for 2013!

2012 blabber:

in 2012 i joined the gym, learned to love exercise, and lost 25 pounds.

i learned to love vegetables (roasted), tofu, avocado, kombucha tea, and even sardines.  i learned to use less cheese, eat less meat, and to like sushi.

in 2012 we got charlie and it's been amazing watching him & gilly become best buddies.

in 2012 i lost a job i loved and then found a job i love.

in 2012 i saw a bunch of doctor's and specialists.  found out i have arthritis in my hands and back, carpal tunnel in my right hand, and a pesky little tumor in my uterus.  so in august i got rid of the tumor and my uterus, and while recovery has been long, it's a good thing.  no more horrible monthly badness. now i can swim every damn day if i want!

back to exercise:  i went to the gym 140 times in 1 year.  i learned to love deep water running.  and just yesterday i found a blog devoted to the topic!  when i started running in the pool, i didn't even know what to call it.  "crazy dog paddle" or "deep end water treading"?  a friend from high school (on facebook) saw some posts where i talked about my new exercise and she explained that it's something real with a name.  

so i watched some videos and kept trying new ways to run in the pool.  i learned about interval training and came up with a 15 minute routine (yoga stretches for my back pain, then kick board, back stroke and water running at different intensities.)  

i also forced myself out of the pool to try yoga (boring), pilates (more boring), boot camp (super hard but fun) and spinning (really really hard and really fun.)

my medical problems made working out over the last few months of 2012 difficult.  i had to take things slow after surgery.  i'm still not back to working out as much as i want, but yeah, trying to be patient.

it's amazing to me that i learned to love exercise.  i really didn't think it was possible.

2013 jabber:

i want to continue learning to live in the moment.  to keep taking risks and trying new things.  i want to learn to be a better listener.  i want to be more kind, more giving.  i want to continue to get out of my comfort zone.

exercise:  i want to try another boot camp, learn to lift weights, and start hiking with dan.  also more walking the dogs.

i want to try to eat  more lean protein, tons of fresh fruit and vegetables, less cheese.  i'd like to stop chewing cough drops (such a weird habit!)  i'd like to get back to eating less pasta, potatoes & breads.  just tweaks and improvements to the good progress i made in 2013.

and really, just more good times with my husband, friends, and family.  more laughing, more playing with the dogs, more of the good stuff!

and when things aren't all good & fun, i want to keep working on CBT tools to deal with anxiety and depression.  just keep on keepin' on.