a side note- me on tv. it's not going to be good. i get nervous and red-faced and talk super fast. some of you may remember my prior experience on tv, at a "friends of the cleveland kennel" dog adoption event. we had a few dogs needing home so we dressed them up in costumes for halloween, and eileen mcshea (the weather lady at the time) came out & did her segments from the kennel. they showed the dogs in costumes and gave info on how to adopt them. i was there with dixie (my wonderful senior dog) to talk on camera about adopting senior dogs.
of course dixie needed to be in costume, and i found her a lovely pink dress and tiara.
she loved the outfit and even kept her little tiara on all morning! she was a real star. when it came time for eileen to ask me to talk about "why adopting a senior dog is a good idea", i froze. it was like the episode of the brady bunch when cindy goes on a tv quiz show and gets stage fright! the camera's red light came on, the reporter introduced me and put the microphone in front of my face, and i panicked.
so, when the reporter comes to my home with a camera crew, how i am gonna be able to act normal????? she wants to film me and groundcat and the dogs too! those dogs don't act right!!! will groundcat want to get in the antique wheelchair??? and will i be able to pretend to be normal??????
maybe i need to find a human version of dixie's pink dress... i still have that tiara, or course.... i'm ready for my close-up mister demille!!!
I'm so full of ideas lately, it's scary. Here's my idea for this post...
ReplyDeleteYou let me know ahead of time when you're going to be interviewed. You and Dan act normal, and I come over during the interview, walk into the house, and just start walking from random room to random room moving things from one room to the other. (don't worry, I'll make it obvious what got moved and from where, so no OCD freakouts). And every now and then I'll come into the room you guys are talking in and I'll just sit down and listen intently. Then I'll get back up and go back to moving things randomly from room to room. Then before the interview's over, I'll just get in my car and leave. I think it's pure comedic gold, personally.
Ok, in all seriousness, what you might want to do is see if you can get some of her general questions, or an idea of a flow of her questioning ahead of time, and try to work out bullet points that you want to hit with your responses. Don't script anything, and you don't need the exact questions she's going to ask, just a general vague flow. She'll probably ask why you elected for the surgery, your expectations, how the whole process went, how you initially responded to the treatment, how things went "wrong". Just general points like that. Then take each one and kinda map out the main points you want to hit with your answer. Maybe that'll help you not blank as much, since you'd have studied ahead of time
Jennifer.
ReplyDeleteI have a plan. You will don the Pink Heart Glasses and interview as Charlton. Charlton Hesssst-tt-ton, who fears nothing and no one.
You'll be great!
Chris. 2 words. Uncle Tank drunk. Okay, 4 words.
ReplyDelete*tips his hat to Mr. Libre for his awesome suggestion*
ReplyDeletewow, so many horrible ideas! i'm giggling at my desk, thinking of all the ways i could potentially screw this up.
ReplyDeleteyou know they'll want to shoot footage of dan & i walking with the dogs, laughing and holding hands. typical cheesy footage to show at some point during the interview.
this could be the time to go with my idea mentioned on a previous post: the 2 of us walking along lake erie, at sunset, holding hands, with rolled up pants, splashing our feet in the water. we walk past a sign and the camera slowly pans in to read: "warning! raw sewage and fecal matter in the lake. do not enter!"
:)
no, jennifer, your idea sucks. you need to use our ideas instead.
ReplyDeleteIt may be to late for me to chime in but have you seen Chicago where the girl was sitting on the guys lap acting like a puppet?
ReplyDeleteJust sit on dans lap and have him "ventriliquise" all of your answers. You'll do just fine!!!
my god, you're all a bunch of hideous freaks.
ReplyDeleteand i love it!!!!
let's just have a big party and everyone can show up in costume. we'll have mojito in his mask, uncle tank, and maybe whitey can dress up like a harlequin! dan will be in the antique wheelchair and my mom can be in the kitchen making cabbage rolls with sauerkraut. jennette can wear a hello kitty costume and mike will be landau calrisian.
they can film us all throwing blow-up sex dolls into the well while i play the dulcimer.
LMAO!
I think you need to be in costume or at least a wig and the big glasses...and you can film in the barn then have a tossing of something into the well ceremony..
ReplyDeleteJust let me know when it will be on cause I know I can't watch it....
ReplyDeleteOH! new idea. You know how they hide the person's face and modify their voice if they don't want their identity given away? Ask them just to do the voice modification part, but explicitly tell them not to block out your face. Tell them you just wanna sound more like Darth Vader.
ReplyDeleteOOOHHHH, great idea but her voice needs to be out of sync with her lips like in the badly dubbed kung-fu movies!!!
ReplyDeleteYah the fake voice....Thats a good idea....Or maybe she could just speak jibberish and they could have sub-titles at the bottom of the screen...
ReplyDeleteoooohhh subtitles. I want to type in the subtitles as Uncle Tank.
ReplyDeletenew idea: everyone comes over and takes an ambien with a glass of red wine, then we just see what happens!
ReplyDeletenew new idea: everybody takes an ambien and red wine except me, and I film what just happens
ReplyDeletehow did i go from taking a blog sabbatical to this???
ReplyDeletei haven't had this many comments since my mom put sauerkraut in her cabbage rolls!
:)
you're welcome ;-)
ReplyDeletei have to add my two cents.....why don't you start off the interview with your bloody mary video? that is an accurate portrayal of you ....don't you think. show one of danny's you tube videos...the one with the cowboy hat.
ReplyDeleteanother suggestion, end the interview with you and danny holding hands walking in your backyard and then you "forget" that the well is there and fall in.
i expect to be mentioned in the credits.
nice to have groundcat's sister commenting. and she has her own horrible ideas!
ReplyDeletewhatever happens, we are having a party and SOON. we need to get all you horrible freaks over here for some fun!
I can bring over one of my dad's spare wheelchairs and Dan and I can have races around the house while you're trying to talk to the reporter. BUT, we'll need to have someone doing a Howard Cosell impersonation giving color commentary (complete with mustard yellow sport jacket).
ReplyDeleteI like Ginny's idea. But Dan falls in, and then you start singing "Get Down, Get Down Henry Lee....and stayyy allll night with meeeee..."
ReplyDeleteI like Ginny's idea. But Dan falls in, and then you start singing "Get Down, Get Down Henry Lee....and stayyy allll night with meeeee..."
ReplyDeleteDouble post! If you can't say anything nice, say it twice.
ReplyDeletemojito, Is it too late to audition for the howard cosell role? if not, maybe someone else could do howard-like play-by-play and I could do Uncle Tank-like color commentary...
ReplyDelete"You know, Barry.."
"My name's Howard Cosell"
"Right, Max. This reminds me of the time I decided to take up surfing. I took an old outboard motor, and went down to the community pool and tried to kick up some waves in one of their pools. Turns out it was the water treatment plant and not a community pool. Kinda wondered why things smelled so bad there. figured they forgot to add in the chlorine to the pools."
"Hoooward COHsEll here. Heere we have...a sport...truly unique to the marshlands of Mentor. Wheel. Chair. Racing. A true triumph of the A - merican spirit."
ReplyDelete/sorry. YOU try to phonetically sound like Howard Cosell in a blog thread....
The good news for Uncle Tank is that when he fell off the board, he already knew how to do the dooky-paddle.
ReplyDelete"Howard...why aren't these things powered? Seriously, I came here to watch a couple guys roll around in wheelchairs?? Damn good thing I brought some whiskey with me. you ever had a whiskey biscuit? Ya take some biscuit dough in the tube, and ya eat it raw, then wash it down with whiskey. I tell ya, it's an experience Howie my boy"
ReplyDeleteI think we got a new new show going on here....
ReplyDeleteThree words: Rubber Fishnig Pants.
ReplyDelete