first off, there are the "childhood memories". everyone i know, including me, has a mix of happy memories and some family drama mixed in. i think we all teeter between glorifying the past, remembering near perfect and magical xmas mornings, or go to the other extreme of remembering the stress and fights. to me, if you can find a balance, it allows you to decide what kind of holidays you have in the present.
if you look back at childhood memories of xmas a little too fondly, nothing will ever measure up as an adult.
if you think of christmas as only a time of arguments and resentment and disappointment, you miss the chance to make it better now.
here's my bossy advice on how to enjoy your holidays:
- remember that you are a grown-up and you have more control over how you spend your holidays then you did as a child
- learn from mistakes made by your parents, friends, and yourself
- be open to new holiday traditions
- find the joy in the simple aspects of the holidays
- do not turn into a "bridezilla" and demand or expect everything to turn out perfectly
- remember that there are only about 10 shopping days until my birthday, and i expect it to be PERFECT!!!
birthdayzilla
p.s. my photoblog will be updated with holiday pics by EOD today. go check it out!
Christmas was a real roller coaster for me this year. 2nd one without dad, 1st without Jack, 1st not living at home. And like you said, I personally have a real big problem with looking back on past memories too fondly. But instead of looking back on them and feeling happy, I look back and get sad that the past will never be the same again. I'm really going to have to try and force myself to see the positives in these "new" christmases and stop grieving the fact that the past will never be again.
ReplyDeletemaybe you could try and think of some bad xmas memories? it sounds funny, but maybe there's a way to write a list (my favorite OCD activity) of the good stuff you remember, and the bad stuff. it could help you have a more balanced view.
ReplyDeletei think you've need to grieve these last 2 holiday seasons. and now you're seeing that it's time to move forward.
there are ways to remember the family/friends/pets we're missing too.
just to be able to laugh about how our step dad hung up a ton of lights on that last xmas he was with us, that was good. we even laughed about how (after he passed away just a few days after xmas) we were left to try and take down the 8 million strings of lights he put up.
jennette, my mom and i went outside and tried unwrapped the lights from the trees, but he had used so many and they were so intricately wrapped! (and god knows he had a method to take them all down in an orderly fashion, but we weren't privy to this method.)
we ended up with scissors, just cutting them down and throwing them away. some of the neighbors came out to help us too. we were all shaking our heads and laughing (and crying a little) about what a lunatic my step dad had been about those lights.
ah, yes, now i am laughing (and crying a little at my desk), but mostly laughing.
:)
I just look back at when I was a kid, and how I'd ask for a lego set, and then I'd spend the month of decmber anticipating and hoping, and then the night before xmas I wouldn't be able to sleep because I was so excited. Then I'd get up in the morning and see all the presents under the tree and be so excited to rip them open. and then when I unwrapped the lego set I asked for, I would be filled with so much joy. I'd spend hours putting it together and playing with it, the day would just pass like nothing flat. and I look back and I really miss that feeling. Maybe it's just a part of growing up and I'm fighting it still. I dunno
ReplyDeleteI can relate Chris. I have this 'magical' Holiday feeling inside me that slowly seems to be fading away. It will never completely die because it is a part of me. My choosing not to procreate will no doubt have an effect on it. But there is always the possibility of nieces and nephews. Also, doing something charitable helps (so I'm told :)
ReplyDeleteIn the immortal words of AC/DC frontman Brian Johnson (1980-present)
"...don't worry about tomorrow
Take it today
Forget about the tip
We'll get hell to pay
Have a drink on me"
you boys are a couple of rays of sunshine!
ReplyDeletehere's what i wonder: is there a way to bring some of that magical holiday feeling back?
obviously, i do think it's possible. i think if you can be open to the possibilities, without huge expectations, you can feel the "magic" again, in a new way.
I guess maybe Dan and I tend to "discount" things that you might see as "magical" I think that kinda gets across what I'm trying to say. You're able to pull out the magic easier. It's like my friend Garland's sister. She's got this very odd knack for finding 4-leaf clovers. You can put her in a field of clover and she'll find multiple 4-leaf's without much struggle or strain. Maybe it is a matter of outdated expectations and an inability to modify them to fit the "grown-up" world. Maybe it's a matter of the bar being set too high from a sheltered childhood that leaves the real world unable to reach it. Maybe it's a matter of getting burned too many times and being too used to watching for the negative and be on defense, rather than looking for the positive and just going with the flow. Maybe it's a matter of me getting really freaking wordy and long-winded :-P
ReplyDeleteinteresting thoughts, copax! i do see similarities between you and dan, in how you were raised, and how you look at the world now.
ReplyDeletei mean, my grandma died right after thanksgiving and then my step dad right after xmas, all in the same year! talk about getting "burned"!!! for a few years the holidays were rough, then we slowly started enjoying things again...
i know the world is a shitty place a lot of the time. i know people generally suck. they hurt you, they let you down, they make bad choices...
but i feel like i have to look for the "magic", the little moments of joy, things that make it worthwhile to continue living.
dan has this movie he loves, called "stay". i couldn't begin to explain the movie...but there's a character who once tried to commit suicide. when she hears about a young man about to do the same, she says, "tell him not to do it. tell him there's too much beauty.."
that gets me every time....
I think for me, I'm just stuck in the middle right now. Nothing really seems bad, nothing really seems good. Nothing really seems ugly, nothing really seems beautiful. Everything just is, right now. I guess maybe I'm getting too caught up in the realizing how little control over things I really have that I'm starting to think that it doesn't matter. I guess my priorities have been wiped clean and I just don't know what to put where yet. I dunno, I should really go home and stop clogging up your blog comments :-P
ReplyDeleteno, keep the comments coming! this is really interesting stuff to think about.
ReplyDelete