i leave the house on cold, snowy mornings, to get my fix. i wait outside the ugly concreate building at 5:55am, waiting for them to open the doors. sometimes i go on my lunch hour when i'm working from home. i go when i'm sick, when i'm tired, when my car's buried under a foot of snow.
i love to swim. doggy paddle is my signature stroke. sometimes i float on my back (see the drawing above). i love the feeling of floating while the water swirls around me.
there are different kinds of "pool people". there are the times when it's "open family swim" with families and kids. i avoid those times as a rule. there are early morning "adult lap" swimmers, athletes, mostly men in speedos and latex swimming fast & hard, splashing everyone, hogging swim lanes. i go when necessary.
my favorite time to swim is during "senior water aerobics" lunch hours. the pool is suddenly filled with chatty old ladies. some walk with canes or even walkers. they walk down a special ramp to get into the pool. once they hit the water, they are transformed. they start laughing, giving friends a hello hug, trading recipes, or gossiping about the older gent who swims slow laps around them. they are like a beautiful gaggle of geese!
i think the water feels so good because it's forgiving. those ladies leave their canes by the side of the pool, and suddenly they can walk without pain. we all float. we move. and it feels lovely.
my favorite part of the pool is the point where the floor of the pool starts to drop off. going from 3 feet, 4 feet, 6 feet. i love walking down that steep ledge and feeling the moment where my feet leave the floor and i start to float...
i know i've been all super excited and wound up about my recent weight loss attempts. i'm constantly blabbering about how much i love swimming, and i'm actually enjoying eating better.
but i'm also "trying" to just do better in general. i want to do better at work, at home, and in life. i want to sit around less. i want to be kinder and more patient. i want to be brave enough to try new things. strong enough to admit when i'm wrong.
i don't know... i just want to make some effort to do better in every aspect of my life. i'll still make mistakes and do the wrong thing, but if i just keep trying, things can only improve.
just call me little miss sunshine!
of course when the usual PMS hits in a few days, i'll hate myself and everyone else. but one day of pure hatred and crippling sadness a month can't be all that bad.
when i look back at 2011, i see 2 major events: getting my "dream job", and loosing griffin. so i guess 2011 feels... bittersweet.
in 2011 i finally worked with my doctor and a rheumatologist to diagnose my health problems. so i was diagnosed with arthritis and fibromyalgia in 2011. good to know what was causing the pain. great to find medicine that helps with the pain. but the side effect of increased appetite has me gaining almost 20 pounds since the fall.
in 2011 i was able to finally stop taking ambien. it took a few weeks of brutal "rebound" insomnia and some horrible withdrawal symptoms, but after 10 years of taking this medicine, i was done with it. i think going off ambien was one of the hardest things i've ever done.
i have since then learned a ton of rules about "sleep hygiene". no naps, make the bed every morning, staying off the iPad if i wake up in the middle of the night, no coffee after 10am, etc... i also got a king-sized tempurpedic bed and that made a huge difference.
i really did find my dream job. i feel so lucky to work with incredibly smart, hilarious people who really care about doing an amazing job, but also know how to have fun. we work hard, play hard, and it's an amazing place to be.
and griffin... i still miss him every day. i have found some peace with his passing away, but i miss him. it's been hard, but getting to focus on gilly has been wonderful. she's doing better with jumping on people and is thriving. she's a real joy.
so for 2012, it's simple. i plan on enjoying the people around me, kicking ass at work, and getting healthy. i will be posting on the "weightloss weirdos" blog often. and i will stop and smell the flowers!