January 31, 2008


random stuff, in no particular order:

groundcat uploaded a new video to his youtube account. does anyone ever go to his youtube page and dig around? he's got some wild stuff out there! of course my youtube account is...."eclectic".....

my "art gallery" blog has been update with a portrait of uncle tank!!!

phrases i hate:
too funny
at the end of the day

and now, add to the list:
it is what it is

why is salad from pizza places so good? it just crisp iceberg lettuce, mozzarella, & house dressing, but always so damn good!

that supercalifragillis song from mary poppins is stuck in my head!!!!

i am embarassed to say i spent my lunch break on myspace, looking at the page for beth from "the real world LA". i'm just fascinated with these reality show D-list celebs! fascinated and horrified!

i can't get spell check to work for some reason, and i need to head home. i'm going to post more WLS crap in the next day or 2 when i have time, and some new low fat crockpot recipes from a site that skydog recommended.

another mystery to ponder.....who is skydog?

uncle tank

glittergirl, muse to many.......

people seem to find it easy to render me as a caricature or cartoon. not sure if i should be insulted.....

a "professional" charicature artist did this one at the work xmas party last year. note the cleavage and wine glass. classy!

magalotti did this one back in october, still with cleavage, but this time a crown (which is awesome!)

groundcat did this one about a year ago. this is me not wanting to go to work (note evil boss on the right) and wanting to stay home (note cute, monkey-like boyfriend on the left, swinging from a microphone.)

January 30, 2008

crayons 4-ever!

dear anonymous, why are you hating the crayon motif so much? also, it's colored pencils, not crayons, duh!

(i just bought copax a big box of crayons for his bday....)

i wonder who hates the new blog template? i was just excited to find a non-blogger template that i was able to get to work! i added the pink, of course.....and look at the cool art produced with crayons!

click here to see some other "outsider art" in my online art gallery. we need some new submissions!

debates, polls, contests and still no real prize!

i'm determined to not blog about WLS for an entire day. here's my usual non-WLS random crap:'

1. my jeep wrangler lease is up next month. should i lease again, or try and get a loan?

2. they have 2 jeep models i am considering: the compass and the patriot. while i hate both names, i'm trying not to rule them out based on name. they are similar vehicles, one with a more rounded body vs. square. has any had any experience with either?

3. me & groundcat have to start back eating healthy again. low fat, low cholesterol, booze only occasionally, and low sodium. help!!! i've run out of healthy meal ideas. we've eaten chicken breast in every form know to man, and still enjoy the morning star veggie breakfast meats. does anyone have any good recipe links to suggest?

anyone who can help answer these questions will win a ton of crap!!!! money, home cooked meals, you name it! (suckers.......)

true nerd confessions...

i admit it, i'm a poetry geek. i've written poetry since high school and had a few things kinda sorta published (once in some poetry compilation at OSU that i cannot remember the name of, and once in a zine. and if you know what a "zine" is, you're as old as me!)

i love e.e. cummings and charles bukowski best. funny, not a lot in common between those 2. anyways, click HERE to watch a great youtube clip of old buk talking about (as the tags say) poetry, shit and beer. days run away like horses over the hills is amazing, with lots of sad bastard poems.

(i think zines were the precursor to blogs. sort of the hard copy version of what is now online.....interesting to think about.....)
groundcat and i both love bookstores. it's one of our favorite ways to spend a lazy sunday, just going to border 1/2 priced books. we found a wonderful bookstore in larchmont called loganberry books that might be my all time fav. it's almost all used books and i could spend an entire day in there!
ok, boring geek ramble done. over & out!

January 29, 2008

a somewhat good photo of us!

glittermom has done it! she has snapped a decent pic of me and groundcat. it's not the most flattering, and i've got a beer in my hand, but i like it. niether one of us is making a dumb face, we're both laughing....not too shabby.... you win the contest!

my fame is spreading!!!!!

an email from my mom: "you got a letter from channel 5!!!! its hand addressed...your fame is spreading!!!!"

next email from my mom: "never mind....it's just the coupon for the free dairy queen cake you won being on the birthday list on the morning news....."


i have a reoccurring nightmare that some investigative reporter is hiding in the bushes, taking notes on what kind of groceries i'm bringing home, or how much fast food i've been eating lately......

"tonight on action blah blah news: local chubby girl eats a lot of crap!"
i snapped this photo this morning. look how badly i've been eating this week! at least i've been drinking lots of water with my cheesy tots........

here's what i saw monday morning, when i said to myself, "a fire extinguisher and a machete in the nook.... now that's a party!!!!"

a quick post concerning anonymous comments

dammit, this whole "having a job" thing is cutting into my blog time. especially now that i've got all this WLS stuff to get off my chest!

i have so much to write about. how i got fat, the diets i tried, my medical history, etc... where i made mistakes, and how i tried my best. again, it's just "my story"....

but i am loving all the comments, good and bad. i can handle it, so bring it on!!!

as far as the WLS ads go, someone at my surgeon's office approached me about it in 2002, and i took it as a huge compliment, so congrats if you're the lady on the swing! you look awesome.... and it's good to see people who had the surgery being open about it, whether they "failed" or succeeded.

and i love the dialog going on in comments about being overweight in this society. more interesting stuff to think about.

i tried really hard in telling my story to balance it all. to own the mistakes i made, as well as saying, "i tried my very best!"

i think the one thing i am trying to say is, "i tried my very best! now let me tell you how i failed. and let me tell you how, looking back, i think i could have been helped. ways the surgical program could have helped me, or ways my family could have intervened. ways we could have been better prepared for when it got bad."

but in the end, i take responsibility.

and know this: i am still thankful to the surgeons, and think the program i choose was one of the best in the country. my friends and family were a huge support to me during all of this as well. (my mom took care of me after surgery when i couldn't get in and out of bed or fix my meals. my sister listened to me blabber about the surgery for the entire year before i finally had it!)

ok, another meeting at work to attend. i am loving my new job and people here have been really kind when i tell them about this whole saga and why i needed a day off last week. ("um, hi new boss! i need a day off so a camera crew can come to my house and film me making a salad and talk about drinking box wine and gaining weight after surgery...is that ok?")

i've got a lot more to blab about, but keep the comments coming or emailing me. ask me anything, about my story, or how the blog works, or even how to start your own blog.

yeah, this was supposed to be a quick comment.... LOL!

some random jabbering...

i'm trying to keep the blog light, not embedding videos or uploading large photos, so folks on dial-up don't get slow responses. so click here to watch a video of me and rachel actin' goofy on the iMac.

groundcat noticed that if you click the little map i added to my blog, you get taken to a large version of the map that includes a ton of ads for WLS! ironic! (it's like RAAIIN on your wedding day!)

my gmail is also doing something similar. when i open an email i get these actual ads:
  • WLS cheap in mexico
  • wedding planning (i think because i quote that dumb alanis morrisette song constantly)
  • "thin eyebrows growth treatment"
  • "breast feeding my husband"

i can't begin to imagine what kind of horrible things i am typing in emails to get that last ad..... i know i'm a horrible degenerate, but i didn't realize the degree to which i am hideous!!!! (i am reminded of that old HST quote.... "when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." god, i could spend all day on wikiquotes reading his stuff! ah...i miss the good doctor...)

ok, enough for now..... i'll leave you with a little HST advice he gave to a child of one of his close friends.

"Walk tall, kick ass, learn to speak Arabic, love music and never forget you come from a long line of truth seekers, lovers and warriors."

why we hide.....(my coming out story)

it's funny, i have only been talking about this WLS stuff for a short time (publicly at least.) and the few emails i've sent, have been forwarded on and i'm getting a large number of emails. and some comments on the blog, which makes this all worthwhile.

it's good because it gives me time to get used to telling my story and getting responses before the story airs. i am not going to give too many details from people who email and wish to remain anonymous. but i can tell you i've heard from people, all with similar stories to mine, and all still "in hiding".

i started to think about "why we hide".

i've never been one to hide. but after i hit a low point with the surgery and started to gain, i felt a huge amount of shame. i've talked about this on other posts. what i am seeing now is that so many other people have been in hiding. and we all have thought we were the only ones who gained weight after surgery.

i wonder if the surgeons even know the true extent?

so why do we hide?

we hide because we know the stigma in this society around being fat.

we hide because people think WLS is an easy way out, for lazy fat people who eat like pigs and can't control themselves.

(i didn't tell folks at my last job about the surgery, and found myself more then once in a room with people saying horrible things about the surgery.)

so, when we gain the weight back after surgery, we really hide. the negative voices in our heads tell us, "you're fat! you suck! you screwed up your one chance to be thin!" there's no way we're going to offer up the info to anyone.

"hey! i had that surgery you're talking smack about! yeah, i know...i'm fat! ain't that something?"

but it's not only the people like me who hide. the folks who did really well with the surgery hide too! they don't want anyone new in their life to know. unless they are being paid to appear in ads (like the one i keep seeing on billboards, of the skinny lady on a swing), they aren't talking about it.

i recently found out that a nasty former corworker "outed" me to folks at my last job. she had been around when i had the surgery in 2001. she was at the last place for all of 2 days before she was telling people, "did ya know jen had that surgery? she got really skinny, then flipped out and gained a bunch back!"

hearing that now, i just laugh. but if i had known what was happening at the time, i would have been mortified.

so i guess what i'm saying is, i understand why WLS folks want to remain anonymous. anything i am told in emails will remain confidential. i'll make sure and not use anyone's names since this blog could become way more public after the story airs.

just because i'm all norma rae about things, doesn't mean i think anyone else should be blabbering about this publicly.

January 28, 2008

iMac photobooth fun

happy bday copax!

a new tradition was born. copax bday is now wig day!!!!!!